When the colleges in the United Arab Emirates closed with a couple of days notice, back in early March 2020, we flew out our daughter to Nairobi within thirty six hours. We knew that the world was in for a long haul, airports would soon close the world over, like they already had in parts of Far East and South East Asia and she would surely spend the next month at home, if not longer. It turned out to be a span of five and a half months! Four months of on line college and exams and a month and a half of vacation...
But we knew with equal certainty that the Arab Emirates would be one of the first to open too, given the resources they have at their disposal to carry out rigorous testing and sanitization procedures and their insistence on strict adherence to rules. And so we set about ensuring that we did everything within our power so that she would test negative by God's grace, when the time came and would be able to go back immediately when recalled.
How, one may ask, does this compare with organizing a wedding for a daughter in India, through an arranged match, say sixty, seventy or more odd years ago ? Read on!
Since we did not know when she would have to go back but knowing testing negative for Covid would be mandatory, we minimized or in many cases terminated all external contact. Our staff was moved into the housing on our bungalow compound way back in March itself, for which I am very grateful. Using public transport has proved to be one of the fastest ways in which Covid spreads and house help, security and garden staff in Nairobi comes from a long way off, unlike in India where they live close enough to walk to work.Even when my husband went back to work, or I sporadically went out to buy groceries, going straight into the shower became the norm upon return home. Our son, once his tennis coaching and cricket camp resumed, had to follow the same rules.
Our daughter, of course, was not allowed to leave the house at all for the first four months, to keep her safe for her own sake and for the all important third year of medicine final exam. Then after a quick trip one morning, after her exams were over, to buy some skin care essentials, she stayed home again until the time came to visit the clinic for antigen and anitibody testing needed for clinical rotations. Finally she went for the all important Covid test seventy two hours before departure! In India too, after a certain ritualistic ceremony, which is held a few days before the wedding, traditionally brides were not allowed to leave the home. Today we can see how cleverly our ancestors managed to keep the very young bride-to- be safe from many diseases, just before D day, as there were no vaccines centuries ago. Today we call this home isolation.
Once the college sent the new academic year schedule, buying the ticket was possible only after getting written approval via mail, (valid for just three weeks), from the Emirate that issued her resident visa. So finally we had a date in hand! This was much like getting grand parental approval before setting the wedding date...In the India of a few decades ago, no step was taken without approval from the 'elders' in the family and that was exactly our position, we could do nothing without permission from the concerned authority!
We had a date but who knew if the flight would take off? Cancellations, delays and re bookings are the norm rather than the exception, since international flights have haltingly (pun intended) begun, post lock downs... Much like an arranged marriage of yesteryears, someone, often from the groom's party, calling it off for some reason, either obscure or genuine, was always highly likely! So whether things would actually materialize on the given date, was anybody's guess. We were in the same boat. After five and a half months of non use, last morning I was checking Flight Aware every thirty minutes, to track the flight and ensure it was still departing as scheduled. Every time I called the airline, Emirates in this case, I was told, as of now it is as scheduled but we cannot say what may happen....For remember, a cancelled or delayed flight would mean a very expensive and rather painful repeat of a Covid PCR test, results being valid for tests done a maximum of ninety six hours before flying. It would be like losing money already paid to caterers and the wedding hall booking deposit!
Brides buy trousseaus. And comfortably off brides of long ago were not even allowed to step out of their homes to buy sarees and jewellery. The sarees, gold jewellery and silver ware was brought to the house by the saree shop owner and jeweller respectively and selections were done there in the comfort and safety of the home. In our case, we did not have a trousseau but a whole arsenal against Covid and the accessories were protective ones! I got her a brand new thermometer, disposable gloves and packets of masks which consisted of African print cloth ones, the KN 95 for days when mingling in a crowd at the hospital would be inevitable, the surgical ones for regular use and of course the N 95 mask, deemed safest for air travel! Huge refill bottles of the trusted Lifebuoy sanitizer and small bottles to tuck into her purse and cabin baggage and a bottle of Dettol Handwash were given to our Covid warrior in training. The N 95 mask, purchased in Kenya but manufactured in Singapore, actually cost more than my daily wear wedding ring did more than two and a half decades ago...though gold was much cheaper then and I have simple tastes! Then came the face shields to use during travel. Here too we bought her two each, of two different types. She was surely spoilt for choice, like the brides of yore must have been! The scrubs needed for hospital were promptly delivered home by a tailor who specializes in making them, after I sent measurements and her colour requirements to him, over Whatsapp. No prizes for guessing the colour, if you know her! Black.
Since brides were very young, usually teenage girls, it was assumed they would be at the in laws' (read mother in law!) mercy when it came to food. They wouldn't be able to express their food preferences and wouldn't be immediately able to cook either. So it became the norm to send the girl's favourite dry, savoury snacks which would last and lots of sweet meats too. Thus, lots of boxes and bags of goodies always accompanied the bride. We were no different. Certain that she would need to quarantine for a few days, whether imposed by the authorities or self regulated, as going out and about for a few days, even for groceries, after travelling is absolutely not advisable, the food planning was done carefully by me. Rotis, Methi (Fenugreek) parathas (both Indian flatbreads), spicy puris (puffed. fried balls of dough) were made, cooled and then packed in sets of ten, to be frozen immediately on arrival. Dry, spiced potato was similarly packed in containers after carefully draining out the excess oil. My husband bought lots of dry packaged Indian snacks, chips, nachos and chocolate. Bottles of her favourite beverage, Krest Bitter Lemon, ( also bought by my husband, I root for plain water) had to be left behind due to extra baggage weight, thanks to her heavy weight course books! Excess weight, no matter which kind, is a problem unique only to our times...
Traditionally, taking kitchen ware was a must for any Indian bride, no matter that there wasn't an inch of space left in her husband's ancestral kitchen. We too sent items she could use in the eventuality of quarantine or more lock downs. A rice cooker, a hand blender and a new knife will be added to the items she already has in her hostel flat. Things we do not usually send had to be sent this time due to the long period that she had been away and also keeping in mind the extra sanitization needed due to the on going pandemic. So a large bottle of Savlon, the antiseptic, a bottle of multi vitamin pills, a packet of machine autowash Ariel detergent, kitchen scrubbers, Dettol wet wipes wended their way into her suitcases.
Since every Indian worth his or her (Tata) salt, no matter where in the world he or she lives, currently leaves everything out for decontamination for many hours, every surface in our house was covered with things that had to be packed. Bags bursting with necessities lined the corridor floors. Checklists of documents needed, like approval from the UAE authorities to travel, quarantine and health declaration forms to be printed and the all important Covid report, an extra copy of her ticket for my husband, in case after dropping her off, he was stuck in traffic, when the Covid night curfew timings for Nairobi kicked in, were kept handy. We were ticking off and cross checking or adding to the list, as new rules kept appearing on websites. Very wedding like. If you have ever been to the bride or groom's house before an Indian wedding, you will know exactly what I mean!
Good wishes had started pouring in from relatives and friends who knew of her imminent travel. And we, the parents, were anxious until the aircraft actually took off, as rules and requirements are changing on a daily basis...And then, like the bridal party relaxes only once they know the bride has reached her new home and safely entered it, we did too, once she exited Dubai airport, without any hurdles. Just twenty four hours earlier, a group of Indians had been refused entry due to permission mix ups, so our feelings were justified...
And just like the parents of yore, we do not know exactly when we will see her again. Young brides had to depend on the good will of their in laws to be allowed to go back home for a visit, after the wedding. We are dependent on the mutation of the virus and the arrival of the vaccine.Will she be home in December like every year, or will the virus continue rampaging unchecked, making travel inadvisable?
When a child leaves home, he or she leaves a gap that cannot be filled. Once a bride of long ago was firmly ensconced in her new home, her parents would anxiously wait for a'positive' report, as per the common misconception ( pun intended!) that an heir apparent would once and for all seal and strengthen their daughter's position in her household.
We, on the other hand, are eagerly awaiting YET another negative Covid report ,before she will be allowed to enter the portals of her college and the teaching hospital....
Our canine kid is already eagerly anticipating her favourite person's return....Much like the canines of yore, I'm sure. No matter what else may have changed in this world, the fidelity of this species hasn't and never will!
